The first step toward real reforms in adoption is educating yourself, since the responsibility for ethical behavior is always, at its heart, a personal thing.

Since, however, adoption doesn't happen in a vacuum the road to deep and meaningful reform must pass through the entire community, and not only the adoption community.

Misinformation about adoption is rife in the world. Incorrect assumptions are made about every note of the triad chord and most of the details that are involved in the process of adopting. Birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees are all cast in negative light of one sort or another at one time or another, and it's a lack of real understanding that is at the root of some harsh cruelty.

Many of us, I'm sure, spend far more time and energy explaining the ins and outs and truths and realities to complete strangers than we'd like, but as people dwelling in some neighborhood of the adoption community, it is only right that we educate newcomers and visitors as well.

False and negative portrayals of adoption in the mass media are another area of concern that people in the know can address, as only through honest representations can adoption happen on a level playing field. If a constant stream of misleading images and story lines designed to give the wrong impression dominate the airwaves, how much easier it is to take advantage of people, especially when they're feeling especially vulnerable.

It may not seem like much to write an informative letter encouraging those in charge of such programs to go the extra mile it might take to get the story right, but if enough people take the time, changes will happen.

It's part of every adoptive parent's job description to educate those our kids come into regular contact with; teachers, pastors, parents of playmates, all need to know what's true, what's false, what's okay to talk about ... and how to do this without offending ... and what's certainly not okay to broach. Not that anyone owes their child's story to anyone -- in fact, explaining just why this won't happen is part of the process sharing our knowledge.

More on educating others in the next post.