Back in the days when I was still allowed to read along on the International Adopt Talk group, a forum primarily for transracial international adoptees now grown and those who care about transracial international adoption ... before they booted me out for addressing an issue of blatant misrepresentation ... I noticed a frequent theme from some of the more strident posters on the list having to do with gratitude.

I've encountered the same tone in other places, in personal blogs most notably, and I'm puzzled about it every time.

There seems to be no little anger expressed whenever the concept of gratitude raises its head in certain neighborhoods of the adoption community, and the tendency often is to rail against not only admitting harboring any in reference to parents, but the very idea that anyone in a family should be thankful to anyone else for anything.

Because I'm not an adoptee, my opinions on gratitude toward parents is not considered worth even the miniscule pressure it takes my fingers to type the words, and the fact that I am someone's child doesn't appear to count.

I have tried to gently broach the concept that even though my childhood was far from perfect, I am thankful to my mother and father for their efforts, for the fact that I'm alive and reasonably healthy, that I learned to read and write and have some ideas of right and wrong.

It seems a natural reaction to have to folks who did the best they could with what they knew and who they were, and since I was fortunate enough to grow up in a home where there was no abuse of any kind that provided food on the table every day, clothing, a couple of bicycles and the occasional special occasion, I have figured since I was old enough to figure such things, that I owed them a debt of gratitude even though they never bought me a horse.

Why something that feels so natural to me should be so repellant to others raised in very similar circumstances is confounding.

In my daily trawling for blog fodder this morning, I came across an article that has me wondering even more why some people are so thanks-resistant. It's from The Ethics Guy, in a piece in BusinessWeek and takes the whole image of gratitude up another level or two.

According to Dr. Bruce Weinstein ... aka "The Ethics Guy" ... gratitude is not simply a issue of manners; fundamentally, he says, saying 'thanks' is a matter of ethics.

It's about respect, he insists -- one way we show it is by acknowledging help, kindness, thoughtfulness ... whatever.

It's not just rude to fail to honor a debt of gratitude. It's wrong.

... saying thanks from the heart is one of the easiest, but most essential, things you can do to maintain and even strengthen your professional and personal relationships.

I'll admit that I'm free with my thank-yous. They spring from me with little prompting, and I'm as likely to thank my kids for handing me a shoe as I am to write a note of gratitude to the President for backing a measure I see as important. I thank my lucky stars all the time, and tell my husband how much I appreciate him almost every day.

I can no longer thank my father, as he died in 1992, but I let my mom know how grateful I am to her for EVERYTHING often.

Would I not do this if they had adopted me? Would I not want to? Would they deserve my thanks any less?

Yep, I'm puzzled.