In 1965, Faith Ireland was a 22 year old college student at Washington State University. She became unexpectedly pregnant and like many women in that era who experienced unplanned pregnancies, she went to an unwed mother’s home and then gave up her baby girl for adoption.

Faith carried that secret with her for years all the while building a successful career as an attorney and a judge. In 1983, Faith Ireland was elected as a Superior Judge and in 1998 she was elected to the Washington State Supreme Court. While on the Supreme Court she decided to break her silence and share with the world that she was a birthmother.

I recently had the opportunity to ask Ms. Ireland a few questions.

Q. Why did you finally decide to “come out” about your status as a birthmother?
A. My primary purpose in speaking out was that the internet and changes in the law were making many more "unplanned" reunions. I wanted to help erase the "shame" around adoption so that people could be reunited as family without stigma. Also, having been reunited with a beautiful talented daughter – I naturally wanted to shout it from the rooftops!

Q. What kind of reaction did you get from the public as well as your colleagues?
A. The only negative was one misleading headline which talked about my "confessing" to being a birthmother which promotes the "shame" theme. There was no coercion in my choice to talk publicly about being a birthmother. People may have had their own negative judgments, but I received only positive feedback. My colleagues were gracious as always. I found that most people who talked to me about it could relate because they had had some experience with it in their own families. I received touching letters from other birthmothers. Rare is the family that has never been touched by an unintended pregnancy.

Q. How has your status as a birthmother affected your life and career?
A. As a woman who "made a mistake" in getting pregnant out of wedlock, I never deluded myself that I was a perfect person. That helped me, as a lawyer, to be able to help others who were in trouble. It also helped me as a judge to be more compassionate about people's mistakes and to judge the behavior, not the person.

Q. Do you have any other children?
A. After my marriage to my husband, I got pregnant but lost my baby to stillbirth at eight and a half months. It was devastating – especially since it happened on mother's day. Having my daughter back in my life has helped to heal that wound.

Q. I understand you’ve spoken at a few adoption events and have some involvement in the adoption community. Please tell us about that.
A. I was invited to speak at an event for people seeking to open adoption records. I spoke about my decision to be public and that I hoped the shame around adoption could be eliminated. Changing the law is a process each state has make with deliberation and sensitivity. There are still people who want privacy above all, but privacy is becoming a thing of the past on so many fronts. I am a frequent public speaker and have mentioned being a birthmother at college commencements and in motivational speeches.

Q. When did you reunite with your daughter and what is your relationship with her like today?
A.My reunion with my daughter was a fairy tale come true. I am so blessed that she came into my life in time to get to meet and know my parents before they died, which was only a few years later. My daughter was a single artist living in New York when I met her. We had a big family reunion with her adopted family and my husband's family in Tucson. It was just great – but complicated to explain all the various relationships! Today, my daughter is back in New York after living for several years with her Mexican husband and is the mother of a three year old boy who was born in Mexico. So now the family gatherings are even more complicated and I am learning Spanish so I won't be the only dummy who doesn't speak it when we are in Mexico.


Q: Do you have any words of advice for other birthmothers out there who may be living with this secret as you did for so many years?
A: Just know that everyone has secrets. The secret of being a birthmother can be hard because there are so many reminders, such as birthdays. The decision to tell another usually comes as we forgive ourselves and have enough self-confidence to be who we really are. In 1965 I wanted to enter an all-male field at the time (law) and the risk to reputation was devastating. Society is less condemning today than when I had my child. Some people deliberately chose to have children without marriage. Also families have morphed and there is a lot more room for creativity. We have our families of birth, but we also have our families of choice. In my book, family is as family does! The test is: are we there to help and support each other when the need arises?

Ms. Ireland retired from her position as a Supreme Court Justice in 2005 and currently has a private legal consulting and mediation practice.