Continued from here.

I can easily recall the first early and tentative steps in my adoption journey and fully understand the potential impact slanderous allegations, vindictive accusations and well-rehearsed smear tactics can have on a tender, hopeful heart longing for nothing more than to love a child.

Prospective adoptive parents at the beginning of their path may feel compelled to give up before they start when suddenly and surprisingly brought virtually face to face with someone screaming, "Any child is better off dead than adopted!", and insisting that adopted children grow to be bitter, resentful adults who hate their adoptive parents.

Accusations that fulfillment of dreams of adoption will require a voluntary venture into a conspiracy of greed and complicit participation in kidnapping and human trafficking, and that children added to family are irreparably damaged through the excision of their birth culture can also stop families in their tracks and have them shuffling into the background wondering how they could ever have though it a good plan to love a child.

Of course, it is important to learn, then acknowledge, that negative experiences do exist and that adoption has a downside, but when the messages above are delivered as the final and only truth it's not a matter of shooting the messenger, but of refuting the message strongly, with no equivocation, and leaving no questions of original motives or agenda. If, indeed, the messenger is disingenuous, deceitful, or worse, that must be illustrated, as well.

When harbingers of negativity have flocked together, a popular tendency since misery actually does love company, continual functioning within a vacuum of like-mindedness often results in forgetting or ignoring the fact that those outside the circle disagree with what may be harmony within. An "If you're not with us, you're against us!" attitude can develop that effectively silences dissension and encourages a mob mentality that gets everyone jumping up and down on cue and shrieking with one voice.

Buzz-words come into play as a verbal shorthand ... as do tactics disguised as 'helpful reminders' or 'attacks of conscience' or 'don't-let-this-happen-to-you warnings' ... clues to fuses that set off the entire display simultaneously. In the adoption world, "family preservation" and "adoption reform" are two of the phrases that, although sounding innocuous may actually be as loaded as a battery of Tomahawk Cruise Missiles. Designed to trigger a response, they often do, and there are times when the uninitiated may not understand that a reaction that appears to come out of left field was actually precipitated by a practiced reading-between-the-lines, a familiarity with red flags, and knowledge of what happens next if left uncommented upon.

This is, no doubt, the longer explanation of why although some of my work may seem to be about personalities, pet peeves or picayunish-ness, posts that may annoy the heck out of some people are in reality about informing, sharing and taking my role as a resource seriously.

Protecting the practice of bringing children from hopelessness to families is well worth the occasional spate of hate mail and campaigns to silence me. And while my door is always open to anyone desiring discourse and opinions and observations are welcome, I will not hesitate to throw back any covers meant to mask motivations, to correct misinformation, or to expose agendas that may be hidden intentionally in efforts to cloud issues.

It is possible that adoption will forever be a minefield, but if it's to survive to rightly serve all involved there must be agreement on the field and some sharing of knowledge as to where the explosives are concealed.

For more on what motivates me in my work, you can see this, this, and this post.

If you're interested in rants, a few of my favorites can be found here, here, and here.