Comments on: Couple Denied Adoption because of DWI

By: sarah2010

sarah2010 — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 23:53:58 +0000

IF HUSBAND WAS PICKED UP FOR PUBLIC INTOXICATION OVER A YEAR AGO, DOES THIS JEOPARDIZE OUR CHANCES TO ADOPT?

Well, already I feel pretty ridiculous after reading my headline, but this is pretty crucial to us when we’re passionate to adopt. My husband by no means is an alcoholic and is the most wonderful human being and would make a wonderful daddy. However, over a year ago, he was picked up from an airport restroom, where he’d fallen asleep. His relatives had fixed him some cocktails while awaiting his airport shuttle. He fell asleep in the airport restroom, due to a combination of overseas/Stateside travel, where it literally takes several days to adjust to a 15-hour time difference (I know because I travel too; and one too many cocktails), and the police took him to jail and released him the following morning.

I’m so afraid this may have jeopardized our chances. I just pray that this previous behavior in no way reflects negatively on his character, but I fear that this mistake will cost us our hopes for a child.

Your advice is greatly appreciated! Thanks!

By: Coley S.

Coley S. — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 13:19:22 +0000

I’ve never met any perfect, unblemished parents – biological or adoptive – that’s inhuman. That’s not what I was looking for when I was looking for adoptive parents for my son either.

I don’t think this should exclude adoptive parents from adopting EVER – but these people were in the process of adopting when he received the DUI. This family has since been given the approval to bring their daughter home.

By: cathym

cathym — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 11:17:12 +0000

Wow, I have to agree with Deb. My husband made the same mistake over 2 years ago and it has cost us any chance of adoption. We were out of town, on vacation and he was barely over the limit. He was not pulled over for driving infraction but for a tail light that was out. None of these are excuses and he has paid his fine and attended classes, done everything the law required and a little more. Would we have ever done it if we had children with us? NO! Does he regret it? Every day! Does it mean that we would not be good parents? NO! I am so angry and disappointed that we are not able to fufill this dream and that the children we plan to bring home will now sit in a orphanage for longer, possibly forever, over one mistake. I feel badly for this man and think it is extremely unfair. I challenge you to try and find “perfect, unblemished” biological parents.

By: Coley S.

Coley S. — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 03:27:59 +0000

I’m glad he came forward quickly and got help!

By: Sunbonnet Sue

Sunbonnet Sue — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 00:24:41 +0000

I must agree with Coley on this one. The fellow really showed a huge error in judgement to drive while intoxicated. He surely knew it would put his pending adoption at risk if he were to be caught? There also is a big difference between “youthful” errors and current ones!

By: Deb Donatti

Deb Donatti — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 17:02:11 +0000

Coley, In other aricles they mention how he was quick to report this to the adoption agency,and went through extreme measures to do what they and the Chinese Gov. required to prove this a one time lapse of judgement. He also went through extra training programs and even became a member of a 12-step program (although he was not accused of being an alcoholic by any means.) The child was legally adopted by them, that is not in question. Both the agency and the Chinese Gov. approved the adoption with full knowledge of his mistake, and his efforts to correct it. The child is now their legal daughter, but is being denied a visa by the U.S. based on her father’s mistake of over a year ago. WHY is the CHILD being punished? If the father was unsuitable because of this, then the adoption should have been denied.
I have a real problem with this because although the guy made a mistake, he came clean immediatly, did everything he was asked to make it right, and so why does it continue to be an issue?
To me this is just another example of how it is ok to expect adoptive parents to somehow be perfect. I would advise any mother considering placement of her baby that she will never find “perfect’ adoptive parents. Most of us are human, we do make mistakes, we have errors in judgement. It is how those mistakes are handled that show us the most about the person.
A placing mother should want to know this information, but if there was no edvidence the man had done anything beyond a one time lapse in judgement, I am not sure that should rule them out.