I've been debating whether or not to get into detailing a big virtual fist-to-cuffs that's taking place in the adoption community right now. If you're not already knee deep in it, you may want to stay well clear, as it's getting nasty, but if you're willing to wade around in doo-doo for a bit, you'll learn a lot.

Many of us would blush at some of the filthy names that are being thrown around as personal attacks go into full swing ... 'swing' as in 'punches', few of which have seen any attempt at pulling ... and aspersions cast against everything from suspected sexual preference to schooling.

Hoping that she'll forgive me for noticing, I'll mention that Jenna has reacted to the fray in her own sensitive and touching way. By personalizing the melee, she brought the conversation around to what really matters ... her love for her daughter.

Others, however, are ramping up the rhetoric and throwing in the kitchen sink, and although addressing the issues at all has been equated to "fanning the flames", I see it more as shining a light into dark corners.

A comment on a post from yesterday where I was despairing for humanity after reading of a newborn girl buried alive in India prompts me to get this all out in the open.

I wasn't in on the clash from the beginning, and have no idea how the fracas grew to its present proportions, first coming across it on the group, International Adopt Talk, or IAT, a group of adult transnational adoptees and others interested in learning about their take.

I have followed the group for a long time, but never posted ... there are hoops to jump through before that's allowed ... and have been aware that the "rules" boil down to not challenging anyone on anything -- unless, of course, you're an adoptee who hates someone, then it appears to be okay to say whatever you like.

Here's the description of the group from their site:

This list is open to families in the IA triad interested in honest, in-depth exploration of difficult issues -- who wish to learn from adult adoptees and families with experience parenting older IA are willing to delve deeper into the complexities of adoption and how it affects those we love. We focus on the late years: tweener through adult (i.e. lifelong) issues.

Our primary purpose is to learn from the adult adoptees. Our secondary purpose is to have a safe place to discuss difficult things and ask for help from experienced IA families and adoptees. We are dedicated to listening to grown adoptees, not rebut their experiences. Due to the sensitive nature of some of the discussions membership is restricted to members of the adoption triad -- adult adoptees, birth parents, and a-parents.

We allow discussion of our faith journeys as it affects our parenting. But be respectful. No proselytizing or criticism or faith statements, that might discount or deny another's walk.

I have learned a great deal from reading there, and appreciated the wisdom shared by many of the participants. Discussions are often hard-edged, but much of the information is valuable. As a parent, I have paid close attention to conversations, and have appreciated the thought and wisdom that goes into many of the posts.

Continued in the next post.